Rejoice & Weep

In October 2016 I was diagnosed with a new medical condition. It is called Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. Basically it means that my body makes too much spinal fluid, and it can't drain it properly, or fast enough. It mimics many symptoms of a brain tumor, without actually having a brain tumor. (Crazy, right?) To get diagnosed I had to have a spinal tap. Not fun. Well, let me back up. First I had to have an MRI, because with my Neurofibromatosis I had to have an MRI, because I could have actually had a brain tumor. When my doctor saw that everything was stable, she took in all of my symptoms, and ordered the spinal tap. It was definitely one of the scariest tests I've had done. They laid my down on a table, belly down and took an X-ray of my spine. After doing that they marked the spot they would stick the needle into. They numbed me with some sort of numbing agent, and then in went the needle, let me tell you that was painful. After sticking the needle in they had t...

Ah, yes, the whole "New Year New Me" trend is upon us. I have never been one to do resolutions, because I don't think we should be trying to change/grow ourselves one time per year. However, I guess you can say I do have some goals for myself in the new year. These goals are specific to me, and require no timeline. I created a list of goals, because sometimes I am down on myself, because sometimes I feel like I am not going anywhere. I'm also a huge planner. I like to know where I am going, and I like to have control. Although sometimes (OK, most of the time) things do no go completely the way I imagined I still like to have somewhat of a plan for myself. So, I guess here are my goals I have for right now: 1) Lose weight...about 80 pounds if we are getting specific. 2) Advocate for myself more often. 3) Pray more, and go into the bible more often. Basically grow my relationship with Christ. 4) Be more forgiving. I have a hard heart towards some people in my li...

This is not my story, this is God's story. All the glory goes to him. Shortly after I was born, my parents divorced. I can't really say it shattered my world, because I was only a baby- I didn't know any different. I still don't. Someday's I feel like maybe it was my fault, or I was suppose to save the marriage, but didn't. That a lot to put on your shoulders at a young age. To this day I don't know why they got a divorce, and I think I'm okay with that. Soon after they got divorced I was diagnosed with a disease called Neurofibromatosis. (I'll just refer to it as NF). In short, this is a disease that causes tumors to grow on the nerves of the body. The doctors ha run tests, and they found an optic glioma (optic nerve tumor). I went through 18 long months of chemotherapy. I do not remember much of it, and I'm grateful for that. The effects of it didn't really stop there, the tumor left me blind in my right eye, and because I went through c...

Sip, sip, sip Gulp, gulp, gulp Why do people drink you? They lose control. You hurt families. You destroy lives. You kill. But yet you are so glorified. I do not understand what it is. I want to understand why people do it. Why do people sip, sip, and then drive. I get they try to hide their demons, but they just create more. You are the enemy. You hurt me. You pained me. I wish people would not buy you. I wish people would understand the pain you cause. I will never forgive you for what you did. I will never forget what you did. Sip, sip, sip Gulp, gulp, gulp

I know I don't blog very often. I know. For awhile I've been trying to figure why, or why I haven't posted a YouTube channel video in over month. Is it because I'm uninspired? Maybe. Is it because I'm too busy? Quite possibly. Or, is it because I feel like i have to conform into societies expectations set for me and my channel/blog? For sure. I feel like a lot of us are scared to veer off of what is normal, or what is expected of us. I think a lot of the time we are just placed into the mold, and like a liquid we take shape of our container, and we aren't going anywhere. But, you, or I should not have to worry about this. Nor should we have to do what is the norm or expected. We were given free will by God, and along as those things don't surpass or values, or morals then who the heck cares what we do? Next time you want to do something that you don't think it would be expected, don't worry about it. If it makes you happy the DO IT. Remem...

Sometimes in life we feel inadequate like we don't quite meet the mark, but in reality we are made perfect by God the one who,loves us the most. Even if you don't believe in God, or a superpower being you can still take this message for what it's worth and apply it to your own life. It can be really hard to not feel good enough or worthy enough to achieve something you desperately want. It's even harder when people are tearing you down, and saying those things. Let me tell you something about me, all my life I have felt like I wasn't good enough for anything. I felt worthless, and most of the time I think I wont achieve anything. That's really hard to put on yourself, but for me, those words weren't just coming from me, they were coming from a lot of people around me. For awhile I listened to them, and it tore me apart each and every single day, until I said enough is enough and I let those things motivate and push me even harder. Don't get me w...

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep" Romans 12:15 This verse is one of my favorite verses of the bible, because it is so true in our everyday lives. I feel in this society we always compare our lives to others. We always push them down when they are happy, or tell them you have it worse when they are going through a storm. What we should be doing is when someone is happy-celebrate them, and with them. If someone is in a time of sadness, we need to be there for them and empathize. We need to stop focusing on us so much, and realize there are other people in this world that go through highs and lows too. This isn't to say that your highs and lows don't matter, but it shouldn't separate people. These times should bring us closer as people as a society. I get so sad for those who think they are in this all by them selves, and that their feelings are diminished, or put down. I've had times where I was going through a rough time,...