My Testimony
This is not my story, this is God's story. All the glory goes to him.
Shortly after I was born, my parents divorced. I can't really say it shattered my world, because I was only a baby- I didn't know any different. I still don't. Someday's I feel like maybe it was my fault, or I was suppose to save the marriage, but didn't. That a lot to put on your shoulders at a young age. To this day I don't know why they got a divorce, and I think I'm okay with that.
Soon after they got divorced I was diagnosed with a disease called Neurofibromatosis. (I'll just refer to it as NF). In short, this is a disease that causes tumors to grow on the nerves of the body. The doctors ha run tests, and they found an optic glioma (optic nerve tumor). I went through 18 long months of chemotherapy. I do not remember much of it, and I'm grateful for that. The effects of it didn't really stop there, the tumor left me blind in my right eye, and because I went through chemo at such a young age it caused some developmental problems. (Basically I'm super clumsy) Then, because of my eye I have some pretty bad depth perception and hand-eye-coordination.
More on NF later...
Growing up, I was told God was real by some people, but I didn't grow up around it. School went normal for me for a short time, but then I started getting bullied really bad. I didn't really have to many friends, and I didn't have a great relationship with my parents, so I didn't tell anyone for a long time. Once I got into fifth grade the bullying worsened. They bullied me just because I was alive. That was the first time I can remember the feeling that I did not want to live anymore. I wanted to die. The bullying never really went away, even though the school did get involved. I think it just made the problems worse. Then, when I got into middle school, the bullying worsened. I never felt good enough at school, or at home. My step dad put me down day in and day out, and made me feel less then dirt. At the end of sixth grade, the only friend I did have, my brother, went into the Air Force, Luckily I did have a friend to help me, and someone who I thought was a friend. Seventh grade came, and while the bullying was still going on, it was okay. Although I vividly remember getting garbage thrown at me, and being called awful names. One of the worst things to happen that year was I was sexually harassed. I was touched, I was grabbed, and I was made uncomfortable by his words. I kept it hidden, and the school only found out about certain things, and the punishment was not severe whatsoever. Then 8th grade came, probably one of the worst years of my life. The bullying got so bad, even someone that I thought was my friend began to join in. I felt worthless. I had raging anxiety. I was very, very depressed. I began to self-harm. I wanted to die. I am very blessed to say now that I knew someone cared for me then. My choir teacher in middle school- she was one person that kept me going, she is a big reason why I am here today. But during this time I was in the darkest of dark places.
High school.....
Somewhere that I did not want to be. I was not excited, and I did not want to be there. We have something called the Link Crew in my high school, Basically, upperclassmen gets a group of freshmen to mentor through their first year. My Link Leader wanted me to join Student Council, and I was very hesitant to, but I gave in, and I am forever grateful he saw something in me, and I gave in.
Someone else in my life also saw something in me. You see, I was still in a very dark place. My friend Emma wanted to bring me to church, and after turning her down a few times, I eventually gave into her, I did it to pass the time basically. But man I was not prepared with what God was doing in my life. I went for a couple months, and then their winter retreat. I was so hesitant to go (partly because I couldn't afford it, and partly because I still wasn't so sure about all of this church stuff), but they worked it out so I couldn't say no. I went, and in that one weekend my life was changed for the rest of my life. On February 3rd, 2013 with my forever best friend and my Youth Pastor I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.
The amount of things that happened afterward were mind blowing to me- I felt a kind of love from people I never felt beforehand. One thing that not a lot of people know is that before I was saved I had a date. A date that I was going to end it all. So when I say I was saved I truly mean it. I'm not saying all the bad things stopped happening, because trust me they didn't. Medical problems came out ( I have horrible chronic pain due to NF, and other conditions), family problems came out (my mom telling me she was an alcoholic), I still get depressed, and anxious beyond compare, but I have a God that I can go to, I have the absolute best friends I can go to (Emma, Haley, Rachel, Madison, Vicki, and amazing Leaders, and my Youth Pastor). I am forever grateful for him.
Even with all the bad things going on in my life my faith is the strongest it has ever been, I have the most amazing people in my life, and I have hope that ALL things will work out for good.
If you have any questions, or want me to go deeper on anything just let me know. God bless!
I'm not saying I'm perfect, I still do things wrong, and I have a ton of growing left, but I'm on my way.
Shortly after I was born, my parents divorced. I can't really say it shattered my world, because I was only a baby- I didn't know any different. I still don't. Someday's I feel like maybe it was my fault, or I was suppose to save the marriage, but didn't. That a lot to put on your shoulders at a young age. To this day I don't know why they got a divorce, and I think I'm okay with that.
Soon after they got divorced I was diagnosed with a disease called Neurofibromatosis. (I'll just refer to it as NF). In short, this is a disease that causes tumors to grow on the nerves of the body. The doctors ha run tests, and they found an optic glioma (optic nerve tumor). I went through 18 long months of chemotherapy. I do not remember much of it, and I'm grateful for that. The effects of it didn't really stop there, the tumor left me blind in my right eye, and because I went through chemo at such a young age it caused some developmental problems. (Basically I'm super clumsy) Then, because of my eye I have some pretty bad depth perception and hand-eye-coordination.
More on NF later...
Growing up, I was told God was real by some people, but I didn't grow up around it. School went normal for me for a short time, but then I started getting bullied really bad. I didn't really have to many friends, and I didn't have a great relationship with my parents, so I didn't tell anyone for a long time. Once I got into fifth grade the bullying worsened. They bullied me just because I was alive. That was the first time I can remember the feeling that I did not want to live anymore. I wanted to die. The bullying never really went away, even though the school did get involved. I think it just made the problems worse. Then, when I got into middle school, the bullying worsened. I never felt good enough at school, or at home. My step dad put me down day in and day out, and made me feel less then dirt. At the end of sixth grade, the only friend I did have, my brother, went into the Air Force, Luckily I did have a friend to help me, and someone who I thought was a friend. Seventh grade came, and while the bullying was still going on, it was okay. Although I vividly remember getting garbage thrown at me, and being called awful names. One of the worst things to happen that year was I was sexually harassed. I was touched, I was grabbed, and I was made uncomfortable by his words. I kept it hidden, and the school only found out about certain things, and the punishment was not severe whatsoever. Then 8th grade came, probably one of the worst years of my life. The bullying got so bad, even someone that I thought was my friend began to join in. I felt worthless. I had raging anxiety. I was very, very depressed. I began to self-harm. I wanted to die. I am very blessed to say now that I knew someone cared for me then. My choir teacher in middle school- she was one person that kept me going, she is a big reason why I am here today. But during this time I was in the darkest of dark places.
High school.....
Somewhere that I did not want to be. I was not excited, and I did not want to be there. We have something called the Link Crew in my high school, Basically, upperclassmen gets a group of freshmen to mentor through their first year. My Link Leader wanted me to join Student Council, and I was very hesitant to, but I gave in, and I am forever grateful he saw something in me, and I gave in.
Someone else in my life also saw something in me. You see, I was still in a very dark place. My friend Emma wanted to bring me to church, and after turning her down a few times, I eventually gave into her, I did it to pass the time basically. But man I was not prepared with what God was doing in my life. I went for a couple months, and then their winter retreat. I was so hesitant to go (partly because I couldn't afford it, and partly because I still wasn't so sure about all of this church stuff), but they worked it out so I couldn't say no. I went, and in that one weekend my life was changed for the rest of my life. On February 3rd, 2013 with my forever best friend and my Youth Pastor I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.
The amount of things that happened afterward were mind blowing to me- I felt a kind of love from people I never felt beforehand. One thing that not a lot of people know is that before I was saved I had a date. A date that I was going to end it all. So when I say I was saved I truly mean it. I'm not saying all the bad things stopped happening, because trust me they didn't. Medical problems came out ( I have horrible chronic pain due to NF, and other conditions), family problems came out (my mom telling me she was an alcoholic), I still get depressed, and anxious beyond compare, but I have a God that I can go to, I have the absolute best friends I can go to (Emma, Haley, Rachel, Madison, Vicki, and amazing Leaders, and my Youth Pastor). I am forever grateful for him.
Even with all the bad things going on in my life my faith is the strongest it has ever been, I have the most amazing people in my life, and I have hope that ALL things will work out for good.
If you have any questions, or want me to go deeper on anything just let me know. God bless!
I'm not saying I'm perfect, I still do things wrong, and I have a ton of growing left, but I'm on my way.
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