Diagnosed.

This is something I do not talk about normally, but I feel that it is something that needs to be talked about.

Being diagnosed with something is a wave of emotions that is almost un-explainable. However, I am going to try to tell you how I felt during my times of getting diagnosed with things.

The first feeling I have normally felt is just a few moments where I feel like everything is going in slow-motion. Almost as if I don't know if it's actually happening or not. Then I get this stoic like manner, because usually I'm around people, and I don't want them to know what is going on in my head. I brush away any emotion, and become emotionless. On the outside I seem calm, cool, and collected. On the inside I have no idea what is going on.

The true feelings don't normally come out until I'm alone. I'm sitting in my bed, and I break. This break doesn't always happen later that day, sometimes it comes a couple days later, and sometimes maybe even a week. i have feeling of complete betrayal, anger, confusion, jealousy, and I feel completely alone. My one and only body betrays me over, and over again. It takes a lot out of you.

Hearing diagnoses doesn't get any easier. No matter how many times it has happened, at least so far to me. I also feel like it's not a one size fits all. My experience will not be the same as yours, and that's okay. No matter how you felt, your feelings are okay.

This entry was kind of jumbled, kind of like my head after a diagnosis. Sorry?...not sorry. (I had to)

Remember you are beautiful, loved, amazing, and so worth living this life.~Morgan


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